Eff You
by Serenitychan13
Summary: Thor, attempting to locate the rest of the Avengers, must navigate New York City on foot! During his travels, he is introduced to a phrase much loved by mortals, but totally unfamiliar to the crown prince of Asgard! Rated for insane foul language.


**Disclaimer: **_**None of this stuff is mine, save the idea for this cracky little fic! Also, yeah, this is a crack-fic. Please laugh uproariously! Also, there is bad language. If that upsets you, go away.**_

Eff You

He had plummeted from the sky in a box meant for the green fellow. When he broke out, he found himself catapulted across a pastoral setting. Picking up his hammer, he righted himself and shook his head. The god Thor had a score to settle with his brother and now he had to go to New York to do so. Looking around, he could not see any mortals nearby.

* * *

But somehow, he had indeed found his way to New York City. And now he had to get caught up with the rest. A very short while ago, he had never heard of a place in Midgard called New York City. He felt very guilty – if he hadn't been such an idiot as a boy, the mortal world wouldn't be in this mess… But that sort of self-talk wouldn't get him anywhere!

He approached a young lady with green dreadlocks and a large shirt that said "The Beatles" on it

"Pardon me, maiden," he boomed, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "But can you direct me to…"

She jerked her arm back and looked at him like he intended to eat her.

"Hey fuck you, man!" she yelled, stalking away and glaring over her shoulder at him as she stuffed headphones in her ears.

Thor blinked, watching the young woman walk away, her outsize sneakers flapping against the ground.

'_Fuck you?_' he mouthed silently.

Now what in the name of mighty Odin did that mean?

He continued on down the street, staring at gigantic posters and buildings covered in dazzling lights. How anyone could look at this day after day without becoming sick was beyond him. Of course, he had the constitution of a god, so it did not affect _him! _But how did the mortals stand it! This young man looked like he might be a likely source of information! So he walked over to a fellow with his orange-red hair up in spikes and enormous denim trousers. The guy's shirt read "RENT."

"Pardon me, good sir!" he rumbled, dropping his massive hand on the man's back. "I must ask you for direct-…"

The fellow took a giant step back and swatted Thor's hand away.

"Dude! What the… Fuck you!" he shouted, shrugging his shoulders very deliberately and walking in the opposite direction

So on the god walked. He could not comprehend these people's odd words! What did it mean? Obviously, it was not a happy thing. But then he observed a conversation between two young women. The first one had on a violently purple dress that showed the majority of her front. And the other wore orange trousers that clung to her legs like a second skin.

"So, Ben and I went out last night again," the first one said to the second.

The second woman nodded, playing with her long blonde hair.

"Yeah, and what happened?" she asked.

At this, the first woman turned a brilliant shade of pink.

"Fuck you, _that's_ what happened!" she told the second woman.

But instead of reacting angrily, the both of them burst into fits of giggles. Thor stood there, staring at the women as they held onto each other. They laughed for what seemed to be an inordinately long time. And together, the two of them were very loud… Then they stopped laughing abruptly. They had noticed him staring at them – was this not an appropriate thing to do? Thor stared longer, this time in confusion. The first girl threw out her hand, her middle finger extended.

"Fuck you, loser!" yelled her friend.

The two of them gave him absolutely filthy looks before storming off, into a nearby café. Thor tilted his head at their retreating backs. What in the world was this phrase that apparently everyone in New York City knew except him? Scratching his head, he continued down the crowded street. A few people he bumped into also shouted "Fuck you!" to him. Was it some sort of greeting?

Then he saw a young lady sporting extremely pink hair and more metal than skin adorning her face. She had a picture of a small white cat on the front of her very large shirt, and she did not appear to be wearing pants. He had to approach the odd-looking ones, he reckoned. It was inconvenient – mortals all sort of looked alike to him! The young lady looked him up and down in return, scrunching her incredibly pierced nose to one side.

"Rainbow maiden!" he thundered, extending a hand to her. "I am seeking…"

She stood up, barely coming up to the middle of his chest, and started to walk off without a word, but he caught her by the arm.

"Could you direct me…" he tried to continue.

The pink-haired girl kicked him soundly in the shins.

"Fuck you, ass!" she screamed at him, also extending her middle fingers – both of them – as she practically flung herself off down the street. "FUCK YOU!"

Blinking, he wondered how such a tiny mortal woman could be so very strong – he had actually felt that when she kicked him! Not that it had _hurt_, of course. But he continued down the street, causing the young woman to shout again. Another rousing "FUCK YOU!" echoed after him as he passed her – she seemed to be on her way into a record store.

Then he started hearing explosions. All right, he must be headed the right way! He followed the sounds until he saw that idiot Stark flying overhead. He could not see the enemy yet, but Captain What's-His-Name had made eye contact. So he continued that way, now dodging panicking mortals. A few of them yelled "Fuck you!" as he passed them by.

"What took you so long?" called the red-haired mortal woman.

Thor took a very deep breath, intent on making the sound carry all around.

"Fuck you!" he proclaimed proudly to the entirety of New York City.

The action seemed to cease for a moment.

"What'd he say?" Natasha asked Barton.


End file.
